everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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