I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
