Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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