i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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