is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
