He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
