HIV tests are more positive than that guy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
