There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
