did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
