I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
