She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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