Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
