I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
