I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sober January is a disaster.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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