my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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