i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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