I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
