I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
