The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
