My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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