Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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