I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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