She's JV to your varsity
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
