The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
