I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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