you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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