i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
that is very illegal...i love you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
