if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
