I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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