im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
