brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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