dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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