I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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