dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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