i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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