I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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