I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
