His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
