remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
