a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
