I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
