its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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