C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
