Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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