Barsexuality is the new black.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
