you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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