Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
