Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
