gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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