Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
